


Solace In Nihility

by WolfGoddess77



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Complete, F/M, Female Solo, M/F, Mild Voyeurism, Oral Sex, Organization XIII - Freeform, Reader-Insert, Sex, Smut, kingdom hearts - Freeform, mild exhibitionism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-21
Updated: 2017-02-21
Packaged: 2018-09-26 03:26:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9860090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfGoddess77/pseuds/WolfGoddess77
Summary: When a new Nobody shows up in The City That Never Was, Axel teaches her that her new situation isn't all bad.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or any related characters, nor do I own you. No money is made from the writing of this story.
> 
> \---
> 
> This is my very first reader-insert story. I love reading them, but I've never tried my hand at making one myself. How did I do?
> 
> Edit: After a lot of thought, I'm not really liking how this turned out, so I'm going to be rewriting it as a separate installment. This one will still be here, though!

You still remembered your name. The name of your Somebody, back before you had been attacked, your core essence stolen by the creatures aptly called the Heartless. You still remembered that other life, but your clearest memory was awakening in a dark street of an even darker city.

 

The first things that came into view when you opened your eyes were a pair of black boots, and the hem of a long coat, also black. Your gaze traveled up, and _up_ … He – the figure was male, you saw – was tall, the coat clinging to his lithe form. His vivid red hair was swept back away from his face, the strands terminating in spikes, rather than lying flat against his back. Even in the gloom, you could tell that his skin was tanned, with a faint dusky tone. His green eyes seemed slanted, thanks to odd markings at the outer edges that swept upwards towards his temples. Beneath each eye was what looked like an inverted purple teardrop. He stood with his arms crossed, gazing down at you.

 

Slowly, you propped herself up on your knees. “Where…am I? How did I get here?” Your surroundings were different than you remembered. You had been cornered by the Heartless in a town – or more accurately, the ruins of one – but this was a large city, cloaked in darkness. Something else had changed, as well; something inside of you. You couldn’t quite put your finger on what it was, though. You were so disoriented that it was difficult to focus.

 

“It’s called the City That Never Was. A place where the sky is always dark, and the only inhabitants are us Nobodies.” His voice was gentle as he spoke, and it had a disarming effect on you.

 

He could tell by the expression on your face that you didn’t understand what he was saying. He knelt down in front of you, propping one arm up on a bent knee. “What’s the last thing you remember?”

 

You thought for a moment, your eyes troubled. “I was…being chased by those black things. A group of them cornered me. I managed to get away from them...or that’s what I thought. But there were too many. They trapped me again, and then… What _happened_ to me?” You had seen the creatures before, usually singly or in pairs, and always from a distance. After studying them for a while, you had come to the conclusion that they were lacking any intelligence, and seemed to operate solely on instinct. They seemed to gather wherever there was a large population of people. The group you had been cornered by had been the largest number you had ever seen until that point. It had been simple bad luck that, even though you managed to get away from them, you ended up running into an even larger pack. This time, you hadn’t been able to free yourself, and they had attacked.

 

“Those were Heartless. They exist only to attack people, and consume their hearts. That’s how they reproduce. Whenever a heart is taken, the body left behind turns into one of them. The spirit, left with nowhere to go, becomes a Nobody. Usually, it becomes a mindless creature that’s similar to a Heartless; we call them Dusks. But sometimes, the spirit is strong enough that it turns into something else. You keep your memories, and the appearance you had when you were a person. That’s what you are now. You’re a high-ranking Nobody, strong enough to have kept your real form.” He tapped the side of his head with one finger. “Got it memorized?” Standing up, he offered a black-gloved hand to you. “Come on. You don’t want to be left out here on your own. There’s someone you need to meet.”

 

You took his hand, letting him help you to your feet. Through the fabric of his glove, you could feel the warmth of his body; it was a nice sensation, here in this cold place. As you straightened, you saw that your initial impression of him was correct; he stood almost a foot taller than you. “Where are we going?” Your mind was whirling with the information that he had just explained to you. You weren’t sure that you understood everything; it was a lot to absorb all at once.

 

Not answering your question, the man waved his hand, and an oval wall of what looked like black flames sprang up in front of the two of you, making you take a startled step back. The semblance of fire twisted around itself, forming a kind of frame. Within was a dark blue void. He turned to look at you, gesturing to it. “Come on, it’s not going to hurt you. Just step through.”

 

You hesitated, not sure if you could believe him. There was no telling what that thing would do to you if you got close to it. “Who _are_ you?” you asked. “I don’t understand… Why is all of this happening? It’s just too much… One minute I’m fine, just living my life, and the next, I’m…what? Did I die when those things attacked me?” You weren’t sure; he insinuated that he was one of these Nobodies as well, and you had felt the warmth of his hand. A dead person wouldn’t radiate that kind of vitality.

 

“Axel. That’s my name.” His green eyes narrowed slightly; he could see that you were beginning to panic. “You’re not dead,” he assured you quickly. “You’re just as alive as anyone else. You can still die, if you’re hurt badly enough. But you’re not…a person anymore. It’s not all bad, you know; being a Nobody. It has its perks.”

 

“Like what?”

 

“You’ll find out soon enough.” He reached out, placing his hand on your back and pushing you forward towards the void. He wasn’t rough, merely firm. “Now, let’s go.” Before you could protest further, he had pushed you through what you realized was a portal, stepping through behind you.

 

In an instant, you found yourself standing in a blindingly white room. After the darkness of the street, the brightness hurt your eyes. All around you were tall seats, each one set at a different height. However, you didn’t have long to examine your surroundings; in front of you was another figure that commanded your attention. He wore the same outfit as Axel, though his was tailored a bit differently. It didn’t contour to his body as snugly as Axel’s did, and the sleeves were a bit looser. His skin was darkly tanned, contrasting sharply with his spiked silver hair and startlingly orange eyes.

 

“This is Xemnas,” Axel explained, appearing at your side as the portal vanished into the floor behind you. “He was the first Nobody, and is the leader of our Organization.”

 

“Do you remember your name?” the man named Xemnas asked, his voice a bass that resonated from deep within his chest.

 

You nodded. “I’m…” Your voice trailed off as you recalled Axel’s words: _You’re not…a person anymore._ “I _was_ (Name).” Did that name still belong to you, now that you had become something else?

 

“No longer.” Xemnas raised one hand, and in the air between you, large shimmering letters appeared, each one translucent. They hovered in front of you, spelling out your name. He waved his hand, and the letters separated, dancing around each other as they switched positions. When they settled again, they were scrambled. A final letter faded into existence, situating itself into the space left open between two others. Your new name hung there in the air for a few moments, then disappeared as if it had never been. “You are now (Name). Beginning now, you will serve the Organization. You will help us collect what we need to form Kingdom Hearts. When it’s complete, our own hearts will be returned to us, and we’ll be whole once more.”

 

This caught your attention. “What did you say? We can…get our hearts back?”

 

“That’s the goal. If we collect enough hearts, we’ll eventually get our own back,” Axel interjected. “That’s why Xemnas has been gathering us Nobodies, to help him. It’s not something that one person – one _Nobody_ – can do alone.”

 

Xemnas’ disconcerting eyes shifted to Axel. “You’ll begin tomorrow. Go.” He waved one hand dismissively.

 

That had ended faster than you expected. It seemed that Xemnas had little patience with taking things slow, and explaining them thoroughly. He gave you just enough that you weren’t completely bewildered, but at the same time, so much of the puzzle was missing that you couldn’t even begin to guess at what the full picture might be.

 

Axel nodded, and another portal sprang up behind you. This time, knowing that you wouldn’t be harmed, you stepped through it without worry. When you exited it, you were standing in a large, shadowy room, unadorned except for a bed, and a large rectangular window. Through it, you could see the dark sky, devoid of stars. Everything was a cool shade of grey; it was so impersonal, almost alien. Based on the color of the smooth stone comprising the walls, and the scenery outside, such as it was, it seemed that this was a different structure than the white room you had just left. You were back in the City That Never Was.

 

On the bed was a coat identical to Axel’s and Xemnas’. On top of it were a pair of gloves and pants, and on the floor were a set of knee-high boots. Every article was the same deep shade of black. It looked like this was the Organization’s uniform. You stepped forward, picking up the gloves and turning them over in your hands. The material was surprisingly soft, and thinner than you imagined it would be. No wonder you had felt the warmth of Axel’s hand through it. Your hands moved to the front of the coat, and the silver accents that decorated the front chimed softly as you touched them.

 

“Get some sleep,” Axel said from behind you. “Your initiation begins tomorrow.” He glanced towards the window. “Even though it’s impossible to tell day from night in this place…” He turned to go when you suddenly reached out, catching hold of the back of his coat.

 

“Don’t go yet. I don’t want to be left alone in this place.”

 

He faced you once more, arching one sharp eyebrow. “I thought you didn’t trust me?”

 

You looked away, the gloves still in your hand. “I never said that. It’s just… This place is so empty… I’m not used to any of this, and I don’t want to face it by myself. Not so soon after I became…what I am. Please. Just for a little while?”

 

The tall redhead studied you for a moment. Without warning, he reached out, clapping you on the shoulder and making you jump. “Cheer up. You survived your heart being taken. That’s a big accomplishment that not many can claim. In fact, I can almost count the number on two hands.” He moved past you, sitting down on the bed.

 

You sat down beside him. From this distance, you could once again feel the heat of Axel’s body. It was surprisingly cold in the room, just as it had been outside. A part of you was tempted to move a bit closer, to ward off the chill that had been within you ever since you had woken up. This might be crossing a line, however. The two of you didn’t know each other, and he probably wouldn’t have liked being used as a heater.

 

“Tell me about Kingdom Hearts,” you said suddenly, trying to distract yourself. “What is it, exactly?”

 

“None of us really knows. Xemnas says that, if we destroy the Heartless, all the hearts they’ve ever taken will be released, and once we collect enough, they’ll open Kingdom Hearts. When that happens, we’ll become whole again.” He glanced over at you. “You’ve noticed it, haven’t you? Something feels different, deep inside. That’s because you’re a Nobody now. Your heart is gone.”

 

“Then, apart from my heart, am I still the same? I still have my memories, and...”

 

“We know what being whole feels like, because we remember what it was like before the Heartless took our hearts. But that’s all they are: memories. Those feelings aren’t actually a part of us anymore. We keep our personalities and the memory of those feelings, but they’re not actually there. Physical sensations remain, but not emotional ones. But one thing is the same for all of us: we all want our hearts back. We want to be whole again.”

 

“That doesn’t sound too difficult,” you admitted. “Those Heartless are everywhere, aren’t they? I remember seeing them a lot. As long as there are people, they’ll show up.”

 

“It’s harder than you might think. Destroying Heartless doesn’t automatically release the hearts they’ve collected. It takes something special to do that, something none of us have. That’s another reason why Xemnas is gathering all of us together. He’s looking for someone who has the ability to release those hearts.”

 

“And he thinks I might have this ability? If I did, then why did I lose my heart in the first place? Shouldn’t I have been able to protect myself when I was attacked?”

 

Axel lay back on the bed, folding his arms behind his head and closing his eyes. “Not necessarily. When we turn into Nobodies, we change. All of us have developed abilities that we didn’t have when we were people. I can almost guarantee the same is true of you; it’s just going to be a matter of finding it. That’s probably what you’ll be doing tomorrow. You won’t be able to go on missions safely unless you can protect yourself.”

 

“How exactly am I supposed to find this ability?” You shifted the black pants over on the bed, picking up the coat and unzipping it. Moving slowly so as to not disturb Axel, you lay down on your side, pulling the long garment over you to fight off the urge to curl up against the only other source of warmth in the room.

 

“You’ll probably be fighting against a group of Dusks, or maybe Heartless, if they can be found. Then again, Xemnas might decide to put you up against another Nobody. Nothing brings out your true strength better than having your life put in danger, after all.” He didn’t even open his eyes as he spoke, and his voice retained a calm tone. That was the only thing that kept you from becoming alarmed by his admittedly distressing words.

 

If Xemnas was collecting Nobodies to help him create Kingdom Hearts, he wouldn’t have you killed…right? That would be one less – was ‘person’ the correct word? – to help him do this. “I have a feeling that tomorrow is _not_ going to be fun.”

 

Axel cracked open one green eye, looking over at you. “Hey, don’t worry so much. Chances are, you’ll find your ability without much trouble. You won’t be hurt too badly. What would be the point of that, especially if you _are_ the one that Xemnas is looking for?”

 

“You really know how to make a girl feel better,” you grumbled, half to yourself.

 

“Seriously, you’re going to be fine. Xemnas wouldn’t let you die. We Nobodies aren’t exactly very common, and losing any of us would be a problem.” It almost seemed like he had read your mind, acknowledging – and negating – some of your worry. Then again, it wasn’t difficult to guess what you were thinking, so you weren’t overly surprised that he had figured you out so easily.

 

Strangely, his words had a calming effect on you. Or, on second thought, perhaps it was his close proximity. He was the only one you had in this strange place, the only one who had taken the time to explain things to you, apart from Xemnas, and you weren’t sure if he really counted. He intimidated you, while Axel was much more approachable. This place felt so empty that you had the desire to latch on to whatever bit of comfort you could find, and in this case, that was the man currently reclining on the bed next to you.

 

“…Axel?” It was the first time you had said his name aloud, and your voice was very quiet, as if you weren’t sure you should be saying it.

 

“Mm?” The hum came from deep in his chest, more of a vibration than an actual sound. You noticed that he had closed his eyes again, and if he hadn’t responded, you might have thought that he had fallen asleep. How he could look so…at home…was beyond you. While you felt like you were living in a body that didn’t belong to you, the same couldn’t be said of him. He seemed perfectly comfortable. You had to wonder just how long he had been a Nobody. That wasn’t any of your business, though, nor was it an appropriate topic. Such a thing seemed like a very personal question, and you didn’t want to risk crossing a line and alienating him.

 

“Thank you.”

 

His body twitched slightly, telling you that your words had taken him a little off-guard. “For what?”

 

“For…staying here with me. For telling me that I’m going to be all right. All of this is so new to me, and I would have panicked if I had been alone. I know it was just coincidence that it happened to be you who found me, but… I appreciate it, that’s all.” It hadn’t been said outright, but it hadn’t been difficult to figure out that Xemnas had somehow known about your appearance in The City That Never Was, and had sent out someone to retrieve you. It had just been good luck that it had been someone with a bit of sympathy for your new situation, perhaps the first good luck you'd had in a long time.

 

“It’s nothing. Some of us take to being Nobodies better than others. You’re not the first one to be upset about it. Things are easier to deal with when you don’t have to do it on your own.”

 

That was certainly the truth. You pulled your coat tighter around you, snuggling into the softness of the bed. All things considered, it was comfortable enough, now that you had a source of warmth. Slowly, your eyes closed, and you gave a quiet sigh. The weight beside you shifted slightly, and you sensed that Axel was watching you. You were sure he was going to say something, but even though you waited for several long seconds, silence reigned in the room. It was possible that he thought you were in the process of falling asleep, and didn’t want to disturb you. Which, you realized, was actually closer to the truth than you had first thought. You had imagined that you wouldn’t be able to relax enough to get any rest, and while the stress that had built up over such a short amount of time hadn’t even started to dissipate, your exhaustion was greater.

 

Distantly, you felt your companion sit up, but he went no farther than that. It seemed that he intended to stay there with you until you fell asleep, for which you were grateful. Just the feeling of having someone there in the room with you was comforting. It staved off the heavy sense of loneliness that pervaded everything.

 

Slowly, your consciousness began to leave you, though oddly, a single thought remained in your mind as you drifted off. Axel, his hand stretching out towards you. You couldn’t seem to get rid of it. And really, a part of you didn’t want to. Even in such a short amount of time, he had become your comfort, the only thing that was keeping you from succumbing to the panic that had threatened to overwhelm you when you had first awakened. In such a time, you needed a constant, and that was him. You just hoped that wouldn’t change.

 

* * *

 

When you awoke the next morning, if it _was_ morning, you were alone in the room. Not that you were surprised, really; you hadn’t expected Axel to remain for long after you had fallen asleep. He no doubt had things of his own to do. Your first order of business was to get dressed in your new outfit. The coat came almost to your ankles, and fit you well. It wasn’t as tight as Axel’s; if anything, it more closely resembled the one that Xemnas wore. The sleeves on yours were a bit more snug than the ones of the golden-eyed man, but you preferred  this. Baggy sleeves would have made it difficult to move. From the waist down, the coat was open, dividing over your hips and leaving your legs free. All in all, it was actually quite comfortable.

 

You stepped out into the hall, looking around. The corridor was empty, and you could sense the sheer _vastness_ of the place. On impulse, you turned right, moving through the silent structure. At last, you found yourself in what looked like some kind of living area. The far wall was made up of floor-to-ceiling windows, opening out on the blackness of the sky. A couple of couches littered the area, along with a low table, and some chairs. None of them were occupied, and at first, you thought you were alone.

 

Then movement out of the corner of your eye drew your attention. In the far corner of the room stood a man with long blue hair, spiked up at the top in a manner similar to Xemnas’. He had his back to you, and his arms were folded over his chest as he gazed out the windows. Slowly, warily, you made your way closer to him.

 

“I’m sorry to bother you, but…” Your voice trailed off as the man turned around. A large X-shaped scar was carved into his skin between his eyes, extending over his forehead and down across his cheeks. It looked like it had been an agonizing wound, when it was still fresh. But this scar wasn’t what held your attention. It was his eyes themselves. They were a bright, piercing amber, almost the exact same shade as the silver-haired leader’s, and every bit as unsettling. His presence was imposing and distant, and you had to fight off the instinct to back away a few paces.

 

“Xemnas is waiting for you,” the handsome man said. His velvety voice was rather deep, though not enough to be called a bass and it was quiet, rather than resonating. You couldn’t help but wonder if all the Organization members were like this; the three that you had met so far were all surprisingly attractive, even if two of them were also the most intimidating men you had ever seen. Axel was the only one who was even remotely approachable.

 

“Waiting for me where, exactly?” you questioned. You didn’t know your way around this place, so you were more likely to end up lost than you were to find your destination.

 

The man waved one arm, and a shadowy portal identical to the ones that Axel had used the night before appeared before you, shimmering. “Through there. That will take you directly to him.”

 

You nodded, moving towards the dark void. At the threshold, you hesitated, looking back at him. “What’s your name?” You were part of the Organization now; you figured that you should at least make an attempt to get to know your new comrade, no matter how icy his demeanor was.

 

The man didn’t answer. Instead, he turned back around to face the window, ignoring you completely.

 

A sigh escaped your throat. Well, so much for that. At least you had made an attempt; that had to count for something, whether he replied to you or not. You stepped into the swirling portal. Just as your surroundings were beginning to fade, you heard a single, distorted word.

 

“Saix.”

 

Though you tried to look back over your shoulder, it was too late. You had already been transported to your new location, and the portal had deposited you in the black streets of The City That Never Was. A short distance away, the tall form of Xemnas was leaned against the wall, his eyes closed. They opened when he heard the sound of the portal appearing, and he looked up at you as you stepped out of it. You took a moment to examine your surroundings; unsurprisingly, you didn’t recognize where you were. This wasn’t the same place where you had awakened.

 

“I assume that you still haven’t found your ability yet, seeing as you are a newborn Nobody.” He straightened, taking a step closer. His gaze was chilly as he watched you.

 

You shook your head marginally. “No, but I’ll do my best to find it today. I won’t disappoint you.”

 

“Hm. We shall see.”

 

You didn’t even see what happened next. One moment you were looking up at the leader of the Organization, and the next, you were flat on your back, pain searing through your body. Spots of light danced across your vision like something bright had just gone off in your face. You didn’t even have a chance to cry out before it was over.

 

Turning over onto your stomach, you shakily pulled yourself onto your hands and knees, then back up. There was no doubt in your mind; you might not have seen it happen, but Xemnas had attacked you. His arms had moved slightly, and… _There!_

 

You leapt backwards as a flash of some kind of bright red light sped towards you. It hit the ground where you had been standing only a moment before. This made no sense; you were on the same side, so why was he doing this? He must have seen the confusion on your face, as his next words clarified this mystery.

 

“If you want to bring out your abilities, you need to be desperate. If you still have strength in you, they will never manifest. Defend yourself!” This time, you saw them clearly. A multitude of glowing ruby lights, each no more than a foot long, shot at you from the palms of his hands. They were deadly accurate, never once straying from their path as they sought to impale you. Axel had said that you could still die if you were wounded badly enough, and those things certainly looked capable of killing you. That meant you couldn’t afford to take more than a handful of hits, if that. No, better to avoid them altogether.

 

Unfortunately, this was easier said than done. As you tried to leap out of the way a second time, one of the spears of light pierced your shoulder with enough force to spin you around and send you crashing to the ground a second time. Thankfully, the one that had struck you had been on an edge, so the others had missed. Still, a dreadful numbness spread down your arm from the point of impact, making it difficult to move the limb. You didn’t think it had broken any bones; it had to have struck a nerve cluster.

 

Knowing that he wasn’t going to give you a chance to recover, you leapt to your feet and away, just in time. Another rain of light cascaded down on you. They moved so fast that it was difficult to get a read on them; by the time you saw them, they were already close enough that you had a hard time dodging. But in the back of your mind, you realized something. You weren’t dodging because you were skilled enough to avoid the attacks. He was toying with you. You avoided them only because he was allowing you to. But how long would this twisted generosity of his last?

 

You twitched the fingers of your numb hand; some feeling was beginning to return. But you still had nothing with which you could fight back, and his assault wasn’t letting up.

 

Taking your eyes off of him for a moment, you looked around, trying to find anything you could use. Then you saw it. Between two buildings was a narrow alley. Xemnas stood between you and it, but he was slightly to the left, out of reach. If you could time it after he released those beams of light, you would have a few seconds to make it past him before he could launch another attack.

 

Bracing yourself, you turned to face him, waiting. It took only a moment; he was wasting no time. As the light shot towards you once more, you jumped to the side, leaping forward and around the attack. You were going to make it! You passed by him, seeing him turn out of the corner of your eye. Just a few feet away, now, and you would be…

 

Pain lanced through your back, immobilizing you and causing you to shriek as darkness began to eat away your vision. You were on the ground again; when had that happened? Your back was on fire… Slowly, you turned your head to look at Xemnas.

 

The intimidating Nobody was standing exactly where he had been before, holding a long beam of red light; the same type of light he had been attacking you with. Your eyes widened slightly; you hadn’t realized he could do something like that. Up until now, they had all been projectiles; damaging, but avoidable, for the most part. This looked like some kind of sword, albeit one without a hilt. It seemed to be coming straight out of his hand. He could change the nature of his abilities, bending them to his will and making them far more versatile.

 

“You are weakening. If you aren’t able to call upon your abilities soon, you will be killed.” His voice was emotionless; you knew it didn’t matter to him whether you lived or died, and he was perfectly capable of dealing the final blow himself, without a second thought. Forget those black creatures that had turned you into a Nobody; _this_ was the true definition of a Heartless. Perhaps Axel had been mistaken when he’d said that the memories of emotions still lingered in the body even after the heart was stolen. This man didn’t seem to have _any_ , and he was about to murder you.

 

Painfully, you turned over onto your back, fear surging through you. Propping yourself up on one elbow, you attempted to sit completely up, only to fall back to the ground; that last attack had damaged your body more than you had first thought; you couldn’t move!

 

Slowly, Xemnas began to advance on you, his arm raising to deliver the attack that would end your new life. You didn’t want to die… You didn’t want to die!

 

By sheer force of will, you pushed yourself onto your knees, bringing your arms across your body, screaming as the light blade descended upon you. Something appeared in your hand, and you instinctively slashed with it. There was a sharp _crack_ , and you heard the rustle of fabric as Xemnas leapt backwards.

 

Your eyes opened, and you looked up. In your hand was a black whip, longer than you were tall. It had split into several elongated tendrils, each one writhing with what looked like the same kind of jagged, thorny particles that appeared whenever a portal was summoned. Defying the laws of gravity, the minute particles broke apart and rose into the air, disappearing, though the whip never changed density, no matter how much of it appeared to be lost.

 

To your shock, you saw a shallow tear in the front of Xemnas’ coat, extending from the right side of the zipper at chest height, up to his shoulder. The material of the garment hadn’t simply been ripped; it looked like it had… _decayed_. Tiny pieces of it fell away, though they never reached the ground. Between you, nine furrows had been dug into the ground, each one representing one of the tendrils of the whip. As you watched, the weapon shifted, and the eight extra protrusions melted back into the main one, leaving it looking like an ordinary whip.

 

His dark golden eyes narrowed as he reached up, touching the gouge you had left in his coat. Running his gloved hand over it, he tore away a piece of material. As he rubbed it between his fingers, the fabric flaked away, leaving his hand empty. He looked up at you. For a moment, you saw something flash across his face. Disapproval? Anger? You weren’t sure.

 

 “You are not the one I’ve been searching for,” he said at last. “However, your ability can still be useful to us. It seems that whip can disintegrate whatever it comes into contact with.”

 

You looked down at the black weapon in surprise. It looked plain enough right now, but you had seen its true form, however fleetingly. A large part of you had been afraid that you had no ability at all, and that Xemnas would end up killing you because you couldn’t protect yourself. He was vastly more powerful than you were, and even with this new weapon, you didn’t stand a chance. It hadn’t even come close to injuring him. However, the same wouldn’t be true of other enemies. Yes, you could use this.

 

The hand he had been holding the piece of his coat in clenched. “Once you become part of the Organization, you are given two things: one is a new name, modified to reflect your association with us. The second is a title befitting your abilities. You have your new name. Now take your new title: henceforth, you are the Manipulator of Dissolution. Use your abilities well to serve the Organization, and soon, your heart will be returned to you.”

 

The whip faded from existence as you stood, looking down at your hands. _The Manipulator of Dissolution_. It was a good title. You were not the strongest in the Organization, to be sure, but now you would be able to hold your own on missions. It was interesting, you reflected. Xemnas had given you an entirely new identity, and even though it wasn’t one you would have chosen for yourself, it wasn’t as bad as you had first thought. You were beginning to accept your existence as a Nobody.

 

* * *

 

After you had earned your new title, the weeks passed without incident, and with each mission you were sent out on, you learned more and more about your new life, and the multitude of worlds that waited out there, just waiting to be discovered. You thoroughly enjoyed exploring them, even if the missions themselves could get boring at times. Your only real problems came from your mission partners. Some of the other members of the Organization were quite difficult to like; Vexen, with his strict adherence to the mission parameters, was one you constantly butted heads with. He never let you have any fun when you were sent out with him. Larxene was another you didn’t get along with. Even though she was the only other female member, her acidic tongue and disdain for almost everything made you prefer to avoid her when you had the option.

 

Strangely, though, those were the only two you didn’t much like. A majority of them kept mostly to themselves, such as Zexion, and the quiet giant Lexaeus; you hardly knew anything about them, other than the fact that they seemed to be friends of a sort. When you were sent out with them on missions, they said little to you, choosing to perform the assignments without much conversation. Another mystery was The Whirlwind Lancer, Xaldin. Although more vocal than the other two, he was still difficult to figure out. A few times, you had seen him fight; despite his large frame, he was quite adept, and these abilities had earned him the rank of second strongest, surpassed only by Xemnas himself. Truthfully, you were fascinated by those lances of his; they were beautiful when in motion, even though you didn’t quite know what to think about their wielder. You found out that he had no patience with ineptitude, and when you first began going on missions with him, he had snapped at you more than once, until you had gotten more familiar with your tasks. Because of this, you made it a point to learn as quickly as you could, so as to avoid more severe shows of temper from the black-haired man. Thankfully, you had a rather sharp learning curve. Finally, there was Marluxia. You had seen him only a handful of times, and always from a distance, to the point where he was more or less a nonentity to you. Wherever he preferred to stay, you were sure it wasn’t in The Castle That Never Was. Something you would never admit to anyone else was that, when you had first caught a glimpse of the rose-haired man, you’d actually thought he was female. It wasn’t until you heard him speaking with one of the other members one day, and heard his soft – but definitely masculine – voice, that you realized that your assumption had been wrong, much to your embarrassment.

 

This wasn’t all you had learned. Within a few days, you had observed that the supposed hierarchy among you and the others was almost nonexistent, with one exception; the amber-eyed man Saix seemed to be Xemnas’ second-in-command, despite being seventh in rank. When Xemnas wasn’t around – which was quite often – the others seemed to take their orders from Saix, instead. Saix was another you knew very little about, though you didn’t much care to change this. He was perpetually calm, almost to a frightening degree, and you went out of your way to avoid him whenever you possibly could. Like with Xemnas, it just reinforced what Axel had told you about Nobodies not having hearts. While they were supposed to have been able to remember what it felt like to have emotions, Saix either had no memory of them, or he had killed them off; you weren’t sure which.

 

It wasn’t all bad, though. You had managed to make some friends, if that was the correct word. Out of everyone, there were three that you had taken to almost immediately.

 

Demyx, with his carefree attitude, had ingrained himself into your affections as a sort of little brother figure. He was next to useless on missions, usually letting you do most of the work while he slid by on the barest amount of effort he could possibly manage, but his cheerful demeanor brightened up the castle; something that was sorely needed in a place that never saw sunlight. You were always patient with him, gently urging him to take larger parts in assignments you were sent on together, even though he had yet to listen to you.

 

Luxord was the most intelligent out of the three, often impressing you with his wider than average vocabulary, and his ability to be quite poetic at times. One thing was sure, though; he was certainly the smoothest talker. His silver tongue usually had you being convinced into playing one of his games whenever you had free time. Of course, you always lost, but despite this, soon enough you were back at it again, even knowing that your chances of victory were slim to none. He was easy enough to get along with on missions, and you never lacked for conversation when you were with him. You quickly came to look forward to the assignments that had you partnered with him.

 

Finally, there was Xigbar. Perhaps the most vocal of everyone, he also seemed to be the friendliest towards the others, even if he had a tendency to be disrespectful at times. He was quite arrogant, but you noticed that he was very careful not to overstep his bounds, especially around Saix. You had never seen him lose his temper, and even in battle, he was always playful. In fact, you weren’t convinced that he even _could_ get angry. Even though his attitude often made you wary when he was around the more temperamental members, in case they decided to lose patience with him, he had still managed to make you laugh on more than one occasion, and because of this feat – something only two other members had been able to do – you tended to fall on the side of liking him despite, or maybe because of, his flippant demeanor. Still, even in light of all of this, you couldn’t help but notice that, in the times when he wasn’t speaking, he had a tendency to watch everyone, you included. Your time on  missions with Vexen had allowed you to recognize what this look meant; he was studying them, collecting who knew what kind of information. Even though he was someone ruled more by instinct than intelligence, he was far from stupid. His single yellow eye betrayed the cleverness lurking under his laid-back exterior.

 

But there was one member in particular you had grown increasingly fond of as the days passed. Axel had been the first Nobody you had met after losing your own heart, and perhaps because of this, your favorite times were when the two of you could spend time together, whether it was on missions, or in your downtime. Ever since that first day when you had asked him to stay with you for a while, you had looked forward to seeing him again whenever you could. It had begun with something as simple as just having a familiar face nearby when so much else was still unknown, but you began to realize that something was slowly changing.

 

Now, whenever you would go to The Grey Area and see his surprisingly graceful form stretched out on one of the couches, you would feel a flutter in your chest, exactly as if your nonexistent heart had just sped up. Your face would heat up, and a tingle would spread through your body, coalescing in a pool of warmth in your lower belly. It was impossible to ignore, even if the implications of it were very confusing; Axel had explained that your feelings were simply remnants of what you had been able to feel when you were whole; you shouldn’t have been able to experience anything like this anymore.

 

Yet here you were, laying in your bed after a particularly long mission, unable to get the image of The Flurry of Dancing Flames out of your mind. You turned over on your side, burying your face in the pillow and growling in frustration. For the past few nights – or what passed as night in a world where there was no way to tell time – you had dreamt of him. It had started innocently enough; the two of you would be sent on a routine mission, just has you had been dozens of times before. But then one night, the dream was different. After your return to The Castle That Never Was, Axel had stopped you just before you could return to your room. He had pressed you back against the cool grey wall, his long fingers curling around your hips, and kissed you deeply. You had awakened in a cold sweat, fire racing through your blood. You could still feel his lips against yours…

 

The dream that followed had been even worse. Picking up exactly where the last one had left off, he had proceeded to slowly unzip your coat, baring your breasts to the chill air. The surprisingly soft material of his gloves had run over the sensitive skin, causing your nipples to tighten and ache with the desire to be given more attention. One hand had slid down over your stomach, finding…

 

Abruptly, you turned over on the bed, not wanting to let the memory go any farther. It was torture, what he was doing to you, and he wasn’t even aware he was doing it! After those dreams, you had tried to keep your distance from him, worrying that he would be able to somehow see the scenes playing in your mind. However, Xemnas had other plans, and you had been sent out on missions with him two days in a row. More than once, you had caught Axel watching you worriedly, though he always looked away when you turned your head in his direction. Your change in behavior had definitely _not_ gone unnoticed.

 

It looked like you weren’t going to be able to get to sleep tonight. Not like this. You had been restless ever since the dreams had started, though you had never given in to the ever-strengthening desire to alleviate the discomfort you were feeling on a nightly basis.

 

You clenched your thighs together tightly, hoping this would help relieve the ache that had set up residence there and refused to budge. …no such luck. It would take more than that. Opening your eyes, you glanced towards the door. It was firmly closed, and you were alone. You bit your lip, considering. What harm would it do, really? If it would help you finally get rid of the frustration you had been feeling for the past few days, then why not?

 

Slowly, you brought one hand up, biting the tip of one finger with your teeth. Your hand slid out of the glove, and you tossed it aside. Raising one leg, you bent your knee, leaving the other lying flat on the bed. Last chance to turn back… You could forget this whole thing, and pretend that it never happened. A sudden image of the tall redhead looming over you shot through your mind, forcing out any lingering misgivings you may have had. This was going to happen sooner or later; you would never get any relief otherwise.

 

Sliding your hand beneath where the coat divided over your hips, you found the buttons of your pants, and one by one, unsnapped them. Your eyes drifted closed as you worked your fingers beneath the fabric, coming into contact with the bare skin beneath. Almost immediately, a shudder went through your body. You hadn’t realized just how much you had been craving a touch like this, even if it wasn’t necessarily your own touch you wanted. Your body was hypersensitive, even before you could really touch any areas that were guaranteed to get such a strong reaction. You might have lost your heart, but it looked like you still had access to a full range of physical sensations. That was a bit of a relief; if this hadn’t worked, you didn’t know what you would have done.

 

Not wanting to draw out the torment any longer than you already had, your hand went to work, ghosting lightly over your folds at first, collecting the moisture that had gathered there, and then dipping a finger inside, testing. The resultant thrill of pleasure that slowly uncurled within you was enough to tell you that, with a little time, you could ease the frustration that had settled within you. Again, you let your finger slide into your entrance, followed carefully by a second. Your walls gripped the intruding digits tightly, causing a delicious friction when you pulled them back, only to press them forward again. Without hesitation, your thumb found the delicate bundle of nerves above your opening, and you bore down on it. This caused a sharp jolt of heat to shoot through you, and you gave a soft gasp.

 

“Axel…”

 

Your free hand came up to unzip your coat a few inches, revealing the curves of your breasts. Slipping inside the fabric, your gloved fingers skimmed across one aching nipple, returning to tug gently on it. You were much smaller than him, but with a bit of imagination, it wasn’t difficult to envision the redhead’s hands in place of your own, wringing the pleasure out of your body.

 

So caught up were you in this wonderful image that you never heard the door open.

 

The now-slick fingers inside of you slipped out, creeping upwards to circle around the sensitive bud that was the seat of your pleasure. You pinched it gently, biting back another wordless cry. The castle was huge, so there was little chance that you would be overheard, but you didn’t want to take any chances.

 

“So…this is why you’ve been avoiding me for the past few days.”

 

Your eyes snapped open, and you sat bolt upright, yanking your hand out of your pants like you had been burned. A fierce blush came to your face as you turned to look at your visitor. He was leaned against the wall with his arms crossed, one long leg bent beneath him. His green eyes bored into you as you held the top of your coat closed.

 

“Axel, I… How long have you been there?”

 

“I thought I would come ask if you were feeling all right. You’ve been acting weird lately, and I wanted to know why. I thought I heard my name, so…” He trailed off, shrugging. It was impossible to read the look on his face. He could have been watching you in amusement, or disgust.

 

You swallowed hard, looking away. This was something he had never been meant to know about, yet there he stood. You couldn’t simply deny what he had clearly seen with his own eyes. There was no mistaking what you had been doing, or who you had been thinking about. You had ruined everything! He would probably tell Xemnas that he never wanted to work with you again. In all the time the two of you had spent together, he had never once gave any indication that he felt even the slightest bit of affection towards you, and now he was…

 

He was walking towards you.

 

“Why did you stop?” he asked, coming to a halt a few feet away.

 

You blinked at him, not sure you had heard him right. “Huh?”

 

“You clearly had something going there, so why did you stop? You seemed to be enjoying yourself.” Was that a trace of humor you heard in his voice? It was hard to tell.

 

“Because…” What kind of question was that? He had to know why you stopped. He had scared the wits out of you when he had said something, and whatever spell you had managed to cast over yourself had been broken in that moment.  “I, uh…” He was still watching you so intently, it was difficult to think of a good excuse.

 

“All right, you don’t have to answer that. But you _do_ have to tell me this. Did I actually hear my name…or was that my imagination?”

 

At this point, the color of your face matched his hair. “Why should I have to tell you that?” Despite the fact that you were the most embarrassed that you had ever been your life, your traitorous body was still just as heated as it had been before you realized that you were being watched. His close proximity was doing nothing to make this better. But you weren’t sure that you wanted him to leave. What you _did_ want was an insight into his mind about what he thought of the accidental show he had gotten, however short it may have been.

 

“You’ve been avoiding me for almost a week now, and when we’re sent out together, you ignore me completely. Don’t you think you owe me something for all of that?” He hadn’t moved from his position, and you had the feeling that he wasn’t _going_ to move until he got what he wanted. But in some small way, this was a bit of a relief. It meant that he wasn’t overly upset about what he had witnessed. If he was, he would have simply left without bothering to question you.

 

Your head lowered slightly. If you were going to answer his question, you couldn’t look him in the eye. Slowly, almost imperceptibly, you nodded. “It wasn’t your imagination,” you murmured.

 

He was silent for so long that you finally had to glance up at him. This time, there was no mistake. There was a faint smile on his face. “Well, then…” His voice was almost silky, and it sent a pleasant tingle skittering up your spine. “If you’ve been that uncomfortable around me, maybe you should do something about it. You seemed to be doing a good job it of before; why not finish?”

 

Your eyes widened at his words. “You want me to… In front of you?” You weren’t sure if you could do this. It was one thing to do something like that when you were alone, but quite another when you knew you were being watched. Especially when the observer was the very object of your thoughts. _Doubly_ especially when he _knew_ he was the object of your thoughts. All of these factors were working against you, even though your body seemed to agree enthusiastically with his suggestion.

 

“If you don’t, you’re probably just going to keep avoiding me, aren’t you? I don’t think you really want to do that. So just get it over with; make yourself feel better, and then things can go back to normal.” He took another step closer. “You’re not shy, are you?”

 

“What you saw… You were never supposed to see that. It’s not something that I was ever going to share with _anyone_ , especially you.”

 

He winced, though you couldn’t tell if it was feigned or real. “Ouch. After the way you’ve been acting around me, you weren’t ever going to give me any kind of explanation?”

 

“I didn’t mean it like that. I meant…” You sighed in frustration. “I’ve been avoiding you because it’s actually uncomfortable for me to be around you. I love spending time with you, but it’s torture, what you do to me. And you’re not even aware of it. I couldn’t tell you because I was afraid it might change things between us.”

 

“And things haven’t _already_ changed?”

 

He was right. There was no way to deny that. In trying to keep things the way they were, you had changed everything. And now you had been caught, so there was chance of talking your way out of it. The way you saw it, you had two options. You could ask him to leave, risking breaking the friendship you had cultivated with him over the weeks, or…

 

Or you could do what he suggested, and hope things would go back to normal on their own. He certainly seemed on board with the idea, so it might even make things better between the two of you. If you could just get over your embarrassment long enough to actually go through with it.

 

He seemed to sense your lingering hesitation. “All right, then, what if I make things a little easier for you?” He closed the distance between you, sitting down on the edge of the bed. Placing one hand on your shoulder, he gently pushed you down onto your back. Before you could protest, or even do much more than give a soft gasp of surprise, he had taken your ungloved hand in his much larger one, placing it back down between your legs. Holding it in place, he used his free hand to draw the zipper of your coat down even further. You shivered as the warm fabric was pulled away from your overheated body, and you were forcibly reminded of the dreams that had been the start of all of this.

 

You jumped slightly when he slid his own hand inside, tracing over your breast. “There. It’s not so hard now, is it? Just close your eyes, and…” His fingers found the peak, and pinched it gently.

 

“Wait,” you whispered.

 

He paused, then, a flash of uncertainty flickering in his eyes. Before he could move back, you slipped your hand from beneath his, hooking your thumbs into the top of your pants and pushing them downward. It took some maneuvering, but finally, you managed to remove them, along with your boots.

 

Axel started to turn his head, but you quickly reached up, placing your hand on the side of his face and keeping him from looking down at you. “Don’t. I don’t…want you to see me.” Not yet, at least. You needed a little time to get used to being undressed in front of him before you actually let him look at you without clothes. Baby steps, and all that. When you were sure that he wasn’t going to go against your instructions, you wrapped your hands around his wrists, pulling his arms up in between the two of you. Pulling his gloves off, along with the one you still wore, you laced your fingers with his. “But…I _do_ want to feel your hands on me.” In your dreams, he had always worn those gloves, but you wanted to feel his skin against yours. If he was going to convince you to do this, he had to play by your rules.

 

A faint smile came to his face at this. “Whatever you say.” Feeling him beginning to exert pressure on your hand, you gave in, allowing him to guide your hand back between your legs. Like before, his was resting over yours, dictating your actions. It wasn’t quite as good as him touching you himself, but it would do.

 

Slowly, your fingers began to glide over the top of your entrance, going immediately to the bundle of nerves, caressing it with a gentle touch. You drew in a shuddering breath as the pleasure you had been denying yourself once more began to blossom within you. Without warning, you felt Axel slide his hand down a bit further over yours. As it did, you realized that his hands were surprisingly soft. Given his proficiency with his twin chakrams, you had expected them to be rough. It looked like those gloves had protected his skin from the callouses he would have otherwise accumulated. You didn’t have long to think about this, however, as he suddenly pushed a single finger into you, making you give a soft gasp of mixed pleasure and surprise. Though you had dreamed of doing things like this with him, you never thought it would actually happen. It felt different than you had imagined, and it certainly felt different than your own hands. He was more gentle than you would have been; he didn’t know how much you could take without discomfort, and it looked like he wasn’t willing to push things right from the very beginning.

 

On impulse, you reached up with your free hand, grabbing the zipper of his coat and drawing it down, stopping when it reached his waist. That finished, you unclasped one side of the chain that spanned his chest. A thin strip of tanned skin was revealed down the center of his body, and he looked down at himself, then back up at you, arching one eyebrow.

 

“So I’m not allowed to look at you, but the same rule doesn’t apply to me?” His words might have been harsh, if his tone hadn’t been gentle, almost amused. Another bit of proof that he wasn’t offended by this was the fact that his finger had never stopped moving inside you. His wrist suddenly twisted, causing the digit to press in at a different angle that made you twitch.

 

“Be patient,” you chided. “It’s different when a girl sees a guy. You can get away with not wearing anything from the waist up. But if you want to make it even…” You took hold of the sides of your own coat, pulling them open and sliding your arms out of the semi-loose sleeves. Laying back down on the warm garment, you had to use force of will to keep your arms from crossing self-consciously across your breasts. They weren’t as big as you would have liked, and you were worried that he would think the same.

 

It came as something of a surprise when he placed his free hand back over one soft globe, squeezing gently. Slowly, he leaned down, closing the distance between the two of you. Delicately, almost hesitantly, he placed his mouth over yours in a feather-light kiss. Wild heat exploded within you, and just as he started to pull back, you reached up, twisting your hands in the material of his coat and kissing him again, more firmly than he had. He was faintly sweet, you realized with a bit of surprise. Somehow, you had always imagined that he would be spicy, perhaps as a reflection of the flames that were his ability.

 

Your fingers found their way under the black fabric, and you pushed it back over his shoulders so it slid down to his elbows. Somewhat to your disappointment, his hand left off caressing you, but what he did next made up for it. He stood up for a moment, letting his coat fall to the ground, and leaving him bare from the waist up, allowing you to get your first good look at him. You could see the lean muscles defined beneath his skin, betraying the strength of his slender body. He wasn’t amply muscled like Lexaeus, nor did he have Xaldin’s massive shoulders. His was a more lithe frame, attuned more towards grace than bulk. As you had suspected, unlike your own nipples, which were a soft pink, his were a dusky brown.

 

You realized then that, from this angle, he had a clear view of your entire body, and a blush rose to your face. You looked away, not having intended to let him see you completely unclothed yet. But, possibly knowing about your discomfort, his gaze didn’t linger. He sat back down beside you, reaching across your body with one arm and propping himself up on it. He caught your chin with the thumb and forefinger of his other hand, turning your face back towards him.

 

“Don’t look away from me,” he whispered. “And don’t be embarrassed.” For the third time, he closed the distance, kissing you. This time, it was deeper, and you felt him flick your lips with his tongue, urging you to open your mouth. You hesitated for a moment before doing as he wanted, and he wasted no time in thoroughly tasting you. As you had thought; he was sweet. Reaching up with one hand, you traced your thumb lightly over the inverted teardrop beneath one of his eyes. You had often wondered about these markings; they didn’t seem to be painted on. Tattoos, perhaps? He was the only one in the Organization who had them. Whatever they were, you liked them.

 

At last, he broke the kiss, but instead of leaning back, he trailed down your neck, nipping the tender skin softly. You tilted your head back in response, your hands sliding over his shoulders, and a tingle ran up your spine; apparently, your neck was more sensitive than you had first thought. “That feels so good…” you murmured, unaware that you had spoken aloud until you felt him smile against your shoulder.

 

“Yeah? Then let’s try something else.” He shifted so one leg was placed between yours, and he could move his weight to his other hand. The first one came to rest on your side, slowly trailing down until it reached your hip. Again, your mind flashed back to the first dream you’d had about him; you were half-convinced that you were back in that world again, and all of this was a figment of an over-imaginative mind. You sincerely hoped that wasn’t the case; if you experienced all of this, only to open your eyes and realize that it hadn’t been real… It would be too cruel.

 

You were pulled out of your thoughts when his fingers grazed across your heated core, and your body suddenly froze. He had touched you there just a few moments ago, so you really shouldn’t have been startled. Yet your breath hitched in your throat, and you inwardly cried out for him to do it again, more firmly this time. This was not much more than teasing; you couldn’t handle that right now.

 

Slowly, he slipped his middle finger inside your slick passage, and he simultaneously pressed down on the nub at the top of your entrance with the heel of his hand, causing you to tremble as a sharp spike of pleasure drove itself through your stomach. Why did it feel so much better when he did it? Sure, your own touch felt nice, but it was nothing compared to this.

 

His lips moved from your neck, trailing down to your collarbones and placing a kiss between them. One of your hands came up, and you twined your fingers through his surprisingly soft crimson hair. The strands tickled your arm as you held him close, not wanting him to pull away.

 

Suddenly, you gasped as his mouth found the peak of one of your breasts, and he swirled his tongue around it. You felt his teeth scrape gently against the skin, making you shudder against him. At the same time, he slid a second finger inside your passage, moving very slowly. Your walls were tight around the intrusion, but he was careful, giving you time to adjust before he set up a rhythm. Each time that his fingers were sheathed fully inside of you, he would give his hand a twist, just as he had done before, causing a moment of increased pleasure that faded to embers as he withdrew, waiting to be stoked into a full inferno.

 

A soft whimper tore from your throat, and you felt him raise his head slightly to look at you. Your own eyes opened, and you glanced down at him. “Am I hurting you?” he asked, unsure. Thus far, he had been exquisitely gentle, but he was still wary of causing you discomfort.

 

“No,” you assured him with a smile. “This is as far from pain as you could possibly get. Just…don’t stop.”

 

He didn’t reply to this, but a faint flicker of a smile appeared on his face in response to your words. Now that he had confirmation that you were enjoying what he was doing, he increased the pace of his fingers, his thumb coming up to rub against the sensitive bundle of nerves that he knew would get a reaction from you. Sure enough, the moment he touched it, your hips began to move with the motion of his hand, unconsciously seeking more contact in an attempt to drive the pleasure you were feeling ever higher.

 

He continued doing this for a couple more minutes, then you felt the movement of his hand lessen. At the same time, you felt a third finger begin to edge its way inside. Like before, he was cautious, watching for any sign that you were no longer enjoying yourself. To make sure that what you were feeling didn’t die away completely, this thumb kept up its assault on the nerve cluster. Unfortunately, this wasn’t quite enough to eliminate the uncomfortable feeling of being stretched, and a faint burning began to spread out from the point of entry. When the digit was barely more than a few millimeters in, he withdrew it, giving you a moment to recover before repeating the process. Because of his thoughtful care, the discomfort never edged into outright pain, and it was dampened by the pleasure he was continuing to give you.

 

His viridian eyes were locked with yours as he studied your face, taking in every reaction you exhibited. You were careful not to let the discomfort show too much, as he would most likely stop if you did, and that was the last thing you wanted. You knew what he was doing; he was a surprisingly considerate lover, and that made you more willing to endure the sting than you might otherwise have been with anyone else.

 

It took another couple of minutes, but at last, all three fingers were seated completely inside of you, and he held them still for a moment, once more allowing you to become accustomed to the new intrusion. The pleasure continued flowing through you from the ministrations of his thumb, and before long, you felt the worst of the discomfort fade. Whether he saw it on your face, or had some other wordless sign, he resumed the motion of his hand, slowly. Once he was sure that this wasn’t going to cause you any pain, he picked up the pace, all the while paying attention to that one place that had already given you so much pleasure.

 

A soft moan rose from your throat, and you shivered as the pleasure spiked, beginning to compress into a hot density in your lower belly. One hand suddenly came up to grasp his arm, your grip tight, almost desperate. The motions of his thumb increased in speed and pressure; he could read your body language well enough to understand what was happening.

 

Your hips ground against his hand, moving in time with his motions. He continued that interesting twist of his wrist each time his fingers were fully inside of you, and each time, you felt his knuckles brush against a hidden spot deep inside you that added a unique flavor to the pleasure you were feeling. It was fleeting, but he continued to hit it over and over, forcing the knot within your abdomen to tighten a little more each time.

 

One by one, your muscles started to tense, and your gripped his arm tight enough that your fingers were beginning to go numb. Finally, when the pressure was starting to develop an almost painful edge, it snapped, sending you spiraling into white-hot pleasure. You cried out as your inner walls rippled around his fingers, making him give a small smile. His hand never slowed until he was sure that you were beginning to come down from the peak, and even then, it never completely stopped moving until you went limp beneath him, breathing hard. Those moments, those searing, mind-numbing moments of sheer bliss had to have been the single best instance of your life as a Nobody. Nothing else could compare, and it was made all the sweeter by the fact that Axel was the one who had given it to you. You were certain that it wouldn’t have been even close to the same if you had done it yourself.

 

As you lay there, quivering from the faint aftershocks that left you feeling weak, Axel leaned down, kissing you again. You raised your head to meet him, your arms wrapping around his shoulders. When you parted, he remained bent over you. “Don’t ever be ashamed to face me. I don’t want to be ignored because you’re afraid to be near me.”

 

As he started to pull away, you caught his arm tightly, not letting him move. “Wait. We’re not finished yet. _I’m_ not finished yet.” You sat up, letting your coat fall back to the bed. You saw the startled expression on his face as you gave him a smile. It seemed that he thought you only wanted some relief for the discomfort you had been feeling, and that was completely untrue. While it had been your goal in the beginning, that was only when you had been alone in the room. But now that he was here, you had a much different end in mind.

 

Climbing partially into his lap, you pressed down on his shoulders, and he slowly allowed himself to sink backwards onto the bed. As he had done with you, you began by placing soft kisses along the side of his neck. To your delight, he let out a harsh breath, telling you that it wasn’t just your own neck that was sensitive.

 

When you moved down to his collarbones, your hand came up to rest on his chest, and began to creep downward over his stomach. You heard his breath catch in his throat as he realized what your objective was, just moments before you reached your destination. Going by touch alone, you located the buttons on his pants, and one by one, began unfastening them. Now that the worst of the haze caused by your arousal had cleared from your mind, you were able to take things slower than you might have done earlier.

 

Suddenly, one large hand curled around your wrist, completely engulfing it. “You don’t…have to do this,” he whispered, his voice rough. It was clear that it took some force of will for him to say this. You were sure that he wanted it just as much as you had, especially since he had gone through all of that without any relief of his own.

 

“I never said I was doing it because I had to,” you replied, raising up just enough to be able to look him in the  eye. As you had thought, they were slightly darker, clouded by his own arousal. “I’m doing it because I _want_ to. I want to give you the same pleasure that you gave me.” Smiling mischievously, you tapped the side of your head with one finger of your free hand as you repeated the phrase you had heard him say on more than one occasion. “Got it memorized?”

 

He blinked, not having expected this. No words were said, but you felt him release your wrist as he propped himself up on his elbows, his slender body stretching out on the bed. Gaining a bit of confidence by his wordless assent, you went back to work, your fingers moving beneath the material of his pants until you came in contact with what you were seeking. He was bigger than you had imagined; your hand couldn’t quite fit completely around him. A blush rose to your face, but you didn’t hesitate.

 

Drawing him out, you tore your eyes from his so that you could see what you were doing. Your fingers glided gently over him, not sure how much pressure you should use. Best to start off as lightly as possible, and go from there. Slowly, softly, you began to stroke him, attempting to coax him into full hardness. Inwardly, you were pleased that he was like this; it meant that he had liked what he had been doing enough to be aroused this far. Perhaps the attraction wasn’t just one-way.

 

You noticed that a few droplets of clear fluid had collected at the top, and you moved your hand upwards, gathering them with your fingers. He jumped in your hold, making you smile. It seemed that he liked this quite a bit. In a sudden burst of courage, you leaned forward, lightly licking the tip. This made him gasp softly in a mix of surprise and pleasure. Judging by his reaction, he hadn’t been expecting this. Drawing back for a moment, you considered. He was salty, but the taste wasn’t unpleasant. You could do this.

 

Leaning forward again, you took him a few centimeters into your mouth, being careful not to scrape the sensitive skin with your teeth. Creating a chute with your tongue, you began to apply pressure, making him tense beneath your ministrations. His fingers curled tightly into the blankets on the bed, and you felt tendrils of satisfaction uncurl within you. It was your first time doing something like this, but he seemed to be enjoying it well enough.

 

“(Name)…”

 

This startled you. Hearing your name said that way, while his voice was laced with pleasure… It was wonderful.

 

Your hand continued to stroke him, more firmly this time, since you weren’t even close to being able to take him completely into your mouth. However, you did let his length slide a bit deeper in, stopping just before he could reach the back of your throat. You felt his body vibrating beneath you, evidence of what he was currently feeling.

 

Pulling back, you stopped just before he could leave your mouth, and you swirled your tongue around the tip, flicking it over the delicate ridges in a way that made him outright shudder. He moaned softly, making a lance of fire blaze through your blood, reigniting the arousal that had been burning low ever since your climax. It had never completely disappeared, but now it was back in full force. Something about that sound was so… You didn’t even know how to describe it. It was _your_ work that was making him feel this way, and you were proud of that.

 

You took him back in, descending until he was as far inside as you were comfortable with, and you gave a hum. The vibrations shot through him like a bolt of lightning, and one hand reflexively came up to curl into your hair. He didn’t push you down any further, nor did he exert any pressure on you at all. He simply held his hand there, his fingers buried in the strands. You swallowed, causing your mouth to tighten around him, and slowly began to pull back.

 

His hand suddenly came away from the back of your head, and he placed it on your shoulder. “Stop,” he urged, his voice hoarse. “I can’t…” You were confused by this at first; he had seemed to be enjoying himself more than a little, so why would he want you to stop just when you were getting the hang of things? Then, it hit you. He wasn’t stopping you because he wasn’t enjoying it. He did it because he _was_. If you continued, he would reach his own release, probably quite quickly. It seemed that he didn’t want that. But he was still fully aroused, and that probably wasn’t going to change any time soon if he didn’t do something about it.

 

He placed one hand beneath your chin again, tilting your head up so he could look at you. A part of you thought he was going to say that he was leaving now, and you didn’t want him to go. Not just because he had been left unsatisfied, but… Well, you just wanted him to stay. It was that simple. So you decided to take the initiative before he could decide to leave.

 

"I want... I want you to make love to me," you murmured. "If something like that is even possible. We don't have hearts; can you have 'love' without them?" His previous actions had made you almost certain that this was what he intended in the end, though perhaps not the way you envisioned it. He had carefully prepared you earlier, before your first climax. You might not have even needed to try and persuade him to stay.

 

“It's possible," he confirmed. "Our emotions might be left over from what we felt when we were people, but they’re still ours. Not even being without hearts can change that. We can do anything a whole person can do. That's what I believe, anyway.”

 

Even if neither of you had any hearts, you could still form the semblance of attachments, and that was exactly what had happened, whether you had realized it or not. You wanted him to do this, not _to_ you, but _with_ you. While you had been attracted to him from the beginning, over the weeks, it had blossomed into something much more than that.

 

"Then please..."

 

Reaching up, he brushed a lock of hair back out of your face, almost tenderly, and you realized why he had been so worried about you for the past few days. It wasn’t just that he had noticed your avoidance of him. He had been honestly worried that something was wrong with you, and he had wanted to remedy it somehow. So he had sought you out, possibly intending to confront you about it. It was why he had remained in the room when he had caught you; he had wanted to help you relieve the discomfort you had been feeling, but he had also wanted see if that might lead to something more. And it had.

 

He gave you a smile, pulling away long enough to fully undress before coming back to you. Curling one arm around your back, he lowered you carefully back onto the bed. He raised one of your legs, hooking it over his hip so he would have easier access. When this was done, he positioned himself at your entrance.

 

“I’ll be gentle,” he assured you before beginning to press forward. At once, you felt the burning sensation return, but it wasn’t as uncomfortable as you might have thought it would be. He stopped after only a few millimeters, allowing you to adjust to the new intrusion. Your inner walls were still slick from your climax, aiding his passage. Leaning forward over you, he began placing kisses on your neck, waiting for you to become accustomed to him.

 

In a few seconds, he pushed in a bit more, once again stopping before it could become painful. This time, he drew back, though he never let himself leave your snug channel. It was difficult for him; you could see in the way he held his body. You were squeezing him like a vice, exerting an incredible amount of pressure on him, which was transformed into pleasure. But he wasn’t going to hurt you just for his own relief. He moved for the third time, sliding in a little farther than before. Several times, he repeated this motion, stopping after each forward movement to allow you to get used to him before pulling back, then doing it all over again. It took a couple of minutes, but at last, he was fully sheathed within you.

 

His fingers came up to play with the bundle of nerves at the top of your entrance, and a jolt of pleasure shot through you. As it did, he started to move his hips, setting up a rhythm that must have been agonizingly slow for him. Most of the discomfort had faded now, to be replaced with a weak sense of pleasure. You still felt overfilled, but it wasn’t exactly unpleasant, just new. His fingers continued their work, and he increased his pace slightly when he was sure that you weren’t in any pain.

 

The pleasure you had been feeling when his fingers were inside of you began to return, and you realized that he was hitting that same place again, only more frequently this time. Before, he had to turn his wrist a certain way to reach it, but now he was hitting points you didn’t even realize you had.

 

You drew in a shuddering breath, and you felt him move just a bit faster. The pleasure increased again, and you reached up, placing your hands on his arms. They slid upwards, until your arms were draped over his shoulders.

 

“How does it feel?” he whispered in your ear.

 

“Incredible…” you murmured.

 

He leaned back, then, not pulling away entirely, but enough that he could see your face. It seemed that he wanted to watch you this time, see the pleasure you were feeling for himself, rather than reading it in your body language.

 

Slowly, as you became used to the rhythm he was using, your own hips began to move in response to his thrusts, rolling against him when he moved forward to seat himself fully inside. You were getting the hang of this, you realized. It wasn’t so difficult, once you had a few minutes to figure it out, and learn his moves.

 

A faint smile came to his face as he saw you moving with him. It meant that you were enjoying yourself enough to want to participate, rather than simply lying back and letting him do what he wanted with you. He reached down, hooking your other leg around his waist. This new angle allowed him to go a bit deeper than before, and you gasped as the pleasure grew slightly in response to the shift.

 

Within a couple of minutes, you were feeling the same range of sensations that you had been feeling when he was simply touching you. His movements weren’t hard enough to be called rough, but they were more than enough to make you moan.

 

Soon, you felt the familiar tightening in your lower belly. Your climax wasn’t yet imminent, but it was building. The stimulation he was giving you wasn’t as intense as it had been before, so it grew slower than it had the first time, thankfully; you weren’t ready for it to end just yet.

 

“Keep your eyes on me,” Axel instructed. This was something you were happy to agree to; you hadn’t once looked away from him since he had begun. He carefully resituated his hands so they were over yours, your fingers laced together. He bent down, kissing you deeply. You felt his chest vibrate against yours as he gave a soft moan of his own, and you had a feeling that his pleasure was growing, as well. Neither one of you would last much longer.

 

Your own climax happened first; ragged claws of pleasure sank into your body, ripping through your nerves and setting them alight as intense pleasure washed over you, even stronger than it had been the first time. This was odd; you had thought the second release would be weaker than the first. It looked like you had been mistaken. Not that you were complaining.

 

You started to cry out as your inner walls convulsed around his length, but he captured your mouth in another kiss, effectively silencing the sound. But his reasons were twofold; your own peak triggered his; feeling you ripple around him like that proved to be too much, and you felt an almost burning warmth fill you. He continued moving for several more seconds, milking the last of the pleasure from the both of you.

 

At last, he pulled away, laying down on his side next to you, one arm thrown over your stomach. Both of you were breathing hard, and weakened by the effects of the powerful release you had just experienced. But you wouldn’t trade it for the world…not even for your heart. Axel had made you feel whole again even without a heart.

 

You turned towards him, snuggling into his chest and closing your eyes. “I want to do this again…soon,” you murmured, your voice barely audible.

 

“I think that can be arranged,” he replied, his voice just as tired as yours was.

 

“Stay with me?” You didn’t want to be left alone tonight; not because you were afraid of the emptiness, as you had been the first night you were brought here, but because you just wanted him with you.

 

“I always do, don’t I?”

 

He had a point. Every time you had asked him to stay with you, he had agreed without complaint. You hadn’t thought anything of it at first; he was just being nice to someone in a new and frightening situation. But that wasn’t the case anymore, and you both knew it. Whatever your reason for wanting him there, he didn’t care. He didn’t need an explanation.

 

As you drifted off, Axel’s strong arms wrapped around you, a single thought made its way into your mind.

 

It wasn’t so bad, being a Nobody.

 

 


End file.
